You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
