did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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