Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
