I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
