phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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