ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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