update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
