We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
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