just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
operation have a gay friend backfired
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Randomize
