I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
