Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
