Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Randomize
