Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
