that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Did you just see the Batmobile???
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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