Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
