Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
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