i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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