The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
