I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
how drunk are you?
Several
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
