Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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