Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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