Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
