thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
