I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
