You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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