I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Randomize
