We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Its about making memories worth repressing
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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