you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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