I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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