The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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