1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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