I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Randomize
