I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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