Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
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I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
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I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
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