What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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