If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Randomize
