Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
You took a bar mat shot.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Randomize
