Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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