When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Randomize
