He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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