Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Randomize
