fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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