I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
