If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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