no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Randomize
