So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
