I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
