everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
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