The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
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Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
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My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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