I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
