erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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