Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
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