Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Found the puke drawer
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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