happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
