Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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