oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Randomize
