if i died would you start the facebook group?
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
