this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
