I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Randomize
