I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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