you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize