Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
