Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
