just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Randomize
